Penis, please! A Request from your Female Viewers

     Taking a social justice course, I find this video intriguing. Only yesterday I was discussing the term "privilege" and what it means to be part of a majority "in-group" (social circle). Up until this point, I didn't really know what privilege meant - I knew the Oxford Dictionary definition, but I had never really considered it. One professor explained it in such a way that it finally hit home. An example of privilege, he said, is that (as a man) he had never thought, while walking alone at night, that someone might actually harm him. 

This hit home for me because, as a young, small in stature woman who tends to run and go out at night, this is something that constantly crosses my mind. Another example that I came up with on my own is that men do not need to leave the house with perfect hair or make up because society doesn't pressure them into thinking that they need to. There are all sorts of examples - no they don't all revolve around the privilege of men. Women, for example, are thought of as primary caregivers. This stereotype and enforcement of gender roles may offend some of you, but it actually gives us the privilege of being the person our (future) child(ren) will come to in times of need. 

Enough about privilege, we are here to talk about penis... or, rather, lack of penis! I am writing this article in response to the above mentioned video which you can watch here:

What makes this video great?

1. The multitude of wordplay: "I've got a boner to pick with you." "I want a little dude tube on my boob tube."
2. Their pop culture references used to illustrate their points: "... a scene where Rob Stark and Khal Drogo compare penis sizes... oh, and it's a tie so they have to, like, wrestle naked and there's some cross-dong action."
3. Their hand motions and actions. See 1:45 for example. 
4. The ending. The women threaten to boycott HBO until penis is in place.

we know his other sword is probably bigger...

What is not so great...

This video is hilarious, and that is the point. These women are going to reach a lot of people who agree that not enough penis is shown on TV. Of course we want to see Rob Stark's junk and Khal Drogo in the buff, but there is a seriously larger issue here (which a lot of people will not understand due to the presentation style of the issue). These women, although they preach for and request more male nudity, are actually protesting the use of female objectification and sexualization in pop culture.

This is evident at the end (1:56) when they propose a compromise to HBO regarding the double standard:

"For every topless background extra, every actress that bares her bouncies and doesn't even get a line, every minute that we have to sit through this DUMB double standard, you owe us an inch of grade A man meat. And, if you don't do this, or try to shut us up by throwing us some scr... (no one wants to see that!) we will boycott!"

I just wanted to set the record straight on what they are actually trying to get across. Women are blatantly exposed while mainstream media rarely addresses the sexuality of other viewers. So, either stop objectifying women, or at least level the playing field a little bit. I am sure they wouldn't have any issues finding a man out there willing to put his "johnson" out on display.

 Yours in the quest for penis freedom,

Ashley

Series of Unfortunate Dates: Episode Two: Tony the Table Feeder

Without further adieu, I humbly introduce to you episode 2 in the Series of Unfortunate Dates.....

Tony the Table Feeder

Now to preempt this story... I met Tony in what I would call a dark era of my life... I was recently recovering from the first of two back surgeries, being laid off from my dream job, and the ending of a relationship that was long and painful. I was broke, broken, and wounded. And it apparently seemed to have impacted my judgment regarding the gentlemen I was going to be going out with. 


Tony was a doctor, or so he told me.

I met Tony as I was walking down Robson Street. It was a gorgeous sunny afternoon, but I was far from happy to be walking around the city, resumes' in hand, trying to find a serving job to quickly stop my bank account from disappearing due to my recent lack of employment. Many a time that afternoon, as I wandered from restaurant to restaurant, smiling like I meant it, I would go sit and try to hold back tears of frustration that my life wasn't going the way I wanted it to be.
After handing out five or six resumes, I threw in the proverbial towel. I just couldn't do it. Going from working as a broadcaster to going back to serving was just too gut wrenching for me to handle... And I could no longer fake being happy about it.


I turned my way towards home, head low, cursing God for putting me in this position, and that's when it happened. I met Tony.

Pulled up next to me in a beautiful black Mercedes, Tony stepped out looking like an Italian version of George Clooney *see below*. He Insisted that he saw me and couldn't drive away without at least knowing my name, so we talked briefly. Perhaps I thought this was some sort of fate, me: at probably one of the worst, lowest moments of my life... and him: perhaps too charming, too nice, and overall, too pushy. At the time, I ignored the pushiness, gave the stranger my number, and went on my way.

Here is a picture of George Clooney, so you can imagine what I am saying....
ER doctors anyone?

Tony called me two days later asking me to go to dinner. I accepted, not knowing where this would go. He seemed a little older than my normal type, but I figured you can't knock it until you try it.

He picked me up, roses in hand, and took me a little place in Yaletown.

Tony seemed the perfect gentleman, except for one thing. Every time I asked him about himself, his answers were vague and evasive. He said he was a doctor and did his schooling at UBC. Although when I implored him to tell me some of the hardest days at work, he told me he'd rather not say. Fishy, very fishy.

He also said he was 36, which although he was quite dashing... seemed to be a stretch that even I in my fragile state couldn't believe. It seemed that every detail that came out of his mouth was just a little bit.....untruthful.

He then began to ask me the most abstract questions I have ever been asked, and I took philosophy.

For example: he asked me if I had a living room with a fireplace, a T.V., a sofa, a plant, a dog, and a cat, where would everything be laid out. I answered as best I could, that the fireplace would be in front of me, with the TV a top, couch beneath me, plant next to me, and the dog and cat on my lap. He paused and told me that the Dog and Cat represented my husband and my boyfriend, and my answer was very unsettling for him.... I still don't understand.

As the date, or rather interview went on, he became stranger and stranger. Asking me how I would like to go shopping next week, and we'd get whatever I wanted. I felt like not only was this guy a weirdo.... he was trying to get in by buying my affections... Something that is just not me.

When the server approached, without a second to ask me what I wanted, he ordered fruit and dessert, and dismissed the server curtly. Upon the arrival of our "dinner," I reached for my fork and then it happened... He snatched the utensils from my hand and said, "No."
And, as if the date could get ANY weirder, Tony dipped his fork into his cocktail, speared a grape, and tried to feed me.

I was shocked and, at first, I tried to not be rude. (My mother taught me better) I politely bit the grape off is fork, laughed (at how ridiculous this was) and again, reached for my utensils. He again stopped me and said "No".

Tony made it very clear that if I intended to eat anything, that I would NOT be feeding myself. I couldn't take it... I asked him why he was doing that and he said he thought nothing was sexier than the way a woman ate when a man fed her.

REALLY?!?!?! Who does that work on?

Disgusted, I excused myself to the bathroom. My mind reeling, I kept thinking that god really had a sense of humour. I returned to the table and pulled out the trusty, I-am-not-feeling-well card and asked him to take me home.

As soon as we got in the car, he said he had to drop something off first. I sat in the passenger seat, gazing out the window at the beautiful city scape; I was hoping this "thing" he was dropping off, wasn't me... rolled up in a carpet, at the nearest landfill.

I could not believe I had gotten myself into this situation, stuck in this weird table feeder's car, going somewhere other than home. I asked where we were going and he said "to my place quickly" which ended up being his bachelor pad in Coal Harbour. 

My mother had always told us if we were kidnapped and in a vehicle to jump out of it, as we were safer with road rash than if we were....well, rolled up in a carpet at the dump. Problem was, I figured at the speed he was driving road rash was going to be the least of my problems. And to be honest, mister "feed-me-with-a-spoon" was not coming off as a serial killer.

When we got to his apartment at Coal Harbour I decided to go in because the chances of someone hearing me scream were better in there than in the trunk of his car... Plus there wasn't cell service in the parking garage.

Tony's "place" was a bachelor pad in all aspects of the word. I mean, Hugh Hefner would have been proud. With everything immaculate (to the point I was SURE no one actually lived here) and art that, well, only depicted fruit that looked oddly like certain body parts. I knew by the play boy bunny bedding that I was not brought here to "drop off" anything.

Retrospectively, I guess the thing he intended to "drop off" were our pants, and when I made that even CLEARER to him, he didn't force the issue. And yes, I called a cab and got the hell out of there. 

When I finally got home, I called my mother who, with her research skills and mother radar, creeped him on all and every social network possible. She phoned the local hospitals to see if Mister "Tony the Doctor" was on staff,  and even looked up the college of physicians and surgeons list for B.C. and big surprise... he wasn't on it.

 So... the moral of the story is... only see a doctor in a office or a hospital. Or if you know he's not a creep. Do not see one in a mobile Mercedes "clinic" driving down Robson Street. 
In hindsight, I am pretty sure this guy was married and his bachelor pad was in fact just that, a place to bring his "patients" to, for perhaps... a full physical.


 I am lucky this turned out to be more funny than tragic. Lesson learned. And to future paramours who might be reading this??? NEVER feed me or it will be you who needs to see a real doctor.




Until next time....
In hilarity and shock,

Emelia xx 
 


 Stay tuned for further Episodes of the Series of Unfortunate Dates entitled....

Bryan: the NOT-SO-SINGLE Bachelor

&

José Lukas: the Stage-Seven Stalkerazzi

Life without the Web

            Moving is one of the WORST things in the world, especially if you can't afford movers and are stuck doing the actual lifting and loading yourself. Over the last two weeks I have gone through the preparation of moving (arranging transportation, meeting with building management, etc.), packing up our house, physically loading all of our stuff  into a moving truck, and then doing the reciprocal actions at our new apartment in Yaletown. On top of this (in the same two weeks), I went up and down Vancouver Island TWICE to visit family and started my post-degree program at UBC. You want to know the worst part about it all was? It wasn't my impending meltdown at family dinner, it wasn't missing yet another one of my younger brothers' birthday celebrations... it was not having access to the internet! Not only was our new service provider unavailable to connect our internet until today, but the data on my cell phone plan maxed out and cut my connection - I LITERALLY had no internet access. Do you remember what it's like to not watch Netflix? to read a real book? Can you even fathom NOT checking Facebook every 5 seconds? Without the internet, I even had to *gasp* ask real people the directions to my Educational Theory class because my Google Maps app wouldn't connect to the awfully sketchy outdoor Wi-Fi on campus. 

Some of you who are reading this that have me on Facebook already know that during my preparation for the move I actually (ironically) went on a voluntary internet hiatus: I deleted Facebook and all messaging apps from my cell phone: this was to prevent me from being distracted not only when visiting my family for what I perceive will be the last time in several months but also from going insane as dozens of messages were dinging and dinging in my ear while trying to organize a smooth transition to the mainland. I anticipate that those of you who are on my Facebook are probably sitting there thinking... She wanted a break from the internet, so she got it - what's the big deal!? What's the big deal? 

1. The voluntary hiatus was a choice! I was able to reactivate my messaging when I needed to send out important notes to people. During the first week of my PDP it was compulsory to check online course information... so, guess who is already behind in course work...

2. Not having internet while unpacking is brutal: you can't listen to Imagine Dragons, Carly Rae, or Jay-Z on YouTube or silly Vine videos to unwind. You end up sitting there arguing with yourself over whether or not you should rearrange your new bookshelf to be alphabetical or organized by genre. 

3.  There is no substitute for Pinterest! I love Pinterest: I have something like over 4,500 pins. And I love it because I can store tons of ideas for home decor and DIY projects (such as how to fill in pin holes so your landlord won't notice them) that would be super useful for those who are in the process of moving.

4. I couldn't post annoying amounts of status updates about my move! I know tons of people want to see our new place via online photos, but all I could send were a few photos via text.

So, I guess what I am getting at is that life without the internet, after having it for so long, is actually more difficult than it looks. Because we have become accustomed to being able to communicate and discover at the touch of a button, our generation has become less in tune with our inquisitive side. It's harder for us to find resources that don't come from Google or Siri. I am not saying we are anti-social or stupid, just that we are used to operating in a certain way. So, this experience has brought me back to old school methods of operation. I also came to realize that without the internet at our fingertips, we focus more on where we are in that moment and what we are doing, we actually talk to the people around us, and we are forced to go on little "adventures" to find the answers to things - this may even include reluctantly caving and asking your mom what the difference is between half & half and regular cream, when do you use which, and which store has the best prices for the products.

We honestly take the internet for granted, but we also take our natural resources for granted (no, not trees or water, silly) - I am talking about people. Where do you think everything that is put onto the internet comes from? Thoughts conjured by people.

I guess it's all about balance!

Ashley

Winter is coming.....

Are you prepared? 

Not for the white walkers, but for the weather?

September brings clouds, falling leaves, rain showers, and moderate to chilly temperatures. Another thing that comes with winter, is fall fashion. Every summer ends and as the sun dresses, board shorts, and cut offs are tucked away for yet another year, we all have that moment of... "okay, what am I going to wear this fall?"

I never used to consider myself an expert in fashion. I still wouldn't call myself a master, but I am most certainly a professional. Currently working in a high end menswear boutique called Giorgio's, I have a unique perspective to tell men, and women, the necessary pieces everyone in Vancouver should be looking into for this up coming fall.

After a summer of bright colors, high-waist skinnies, and peplum shirts, you're seeing this fall come back to the neutral, perhaps more conservative color palette.

Men:

This fall you're seeing that slim is still in, with pants as well as shirts. The current trend of clothing fitting closely to the body is something that is still going strong. And as a woman, I say YES PLEASE! I am not insinuating that you need to be rocking it in your main street purple skinny jeans... I am saying NOTHING is sexier then a man in a well tailored out fit. My rule of thumb is to try to wear pants or trousers that are no less then 16''  at the bottom, this will still be slim without being to narrow. In shirts, look for the fit in the shoulders and arms first and foremost, because everything can be adjusted by a tailor after.

Mr. Gosling knows what I'm talking about!

My favorite thing about fall for men is sweaters. To me, I melt if I see a guy that has casually layered a beautiful knit over a collared shirt paired with a sport jacket. Now I know Vancouver's fall weather may be a bit warm for a lot of layers, but just be conscience of the weight of the fabric. If you're a furnace of a guy (which a lot of you are) look for lighter knits rather then the cozy wools.

When you are thinking casual, just go with your gut. You can step up any jeans and T-shirt with a blazer. Or even just go with a nice long sleeve Henley or cardigan to mix it up.

 

When you are shopping, as you try things on, don't rule them out if they don't fit perfectly the first time. That's what tailoring is all about. Aim to fit the largest part of you (i.e. does it feel good in the shoulders, and in the quads or hips?) You can easily buy a garment that fits perfectly in the shoulders but is too big in the waist, by bringing it to a tailor and having them quickly dart it and giving you the " V " appearance.

 Women

 

Other then wonderful hair and fun makeup (check out my girl Rain for amazing tips), fall fashion is another reason why being a woman is SO great! We get to have fun with layering, colors, fit, and depending what kind of look you're going for, the world is your oyster! This fall is all about textures, and layering.

 Infinity scarves are such a lovely accessory that is a must have for fall. As well as the scarves, we are also seeing the colored denim darken up to deeper tones rather then the bright florescent you saw this summer. Shoes you ask? Fall boots are the best. Every girl needs a brown  and a black pair... the rest is up to you!

For nights on the town, there are a million different trends you can gravitate towards, my recommendation is pick your look then go for fit. Avoid the cliches of the  "too-shorts," "too-low cut," or "all-round-awful." Dress according to your body, if you can't wear those jeans with out a muffin top.... try a nice wrap dress that will accentuate your luscious curves!

 

Overall, this fall you are seeing the marriage of colour, texture, and fit. Tailoring is (and should be always) the MOST important thing about shopping. It can make that dress on the mannequin (who has no curves or bumps) make it look like it was custom made for you! And who doesn't like custom?!?!?

Until next time,
Yours in style,


Emelia xx