Dear World, I am Tired

I woke up today, and guess what, world? I am tired.

I am tired of dragging myself out of bed two hours before I need to leave the house so that I have enough time to shave my legs and arm pits, to style my hair, and slather chemicals on my face to cover up the one that I was born with, because it is not beautiful enough.

I am tired of counting the calories in my breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks to make sure I don't eat more than 1200 per day - you can't lose weight and get a flat stomach by eating too much.

I am tired of looking at my dog as he begs me to take him for his morning walk; but, I won't leave the house until the contouring paint is perfect - I don't want anyone outside to see how fat my face looks without it.

I am tired of going to the gym for two hours a day to make sure that I burn at least 700 calories so that people will stop calling attention to the way my back fat shows through my t-shirt or the way my muffin top is evident when I wear a shirt that actually fits.

I am tired of wearing baggy tops because I don't want people to think I am a "slut" if the shape of my breasts is visible. And, I am tired of making sure that the neckline of my shirt isn't "too low cut" for the same reason - I have to be a respectful young woman, don't you know? I also don't want to "attract the wrong type of attention", because this might cause someone else to misbehave.

I am tired of the look of disappointment on my partner's face when I go to bed early and tell him that "I'm not in the mood" because I don't feel like I can measure up to the "beautiful" "sexy" girls on the magazines or in the movies.

I am tired of the images and expectations that are being forced upon myself and young women across the globe that tell them that they are not, and never will be, good enough. You must dress this way, you must wear your hair like this, you have to have a great smile, etc. This is unrealistic.

Something  has to change. The media no longer tells us we need to be skinny to look good, they tell us it's for our own health, to be fit… "this is what your body should look like." Right… It's the same message: you, as you are, are not good enough.

World, I am worried. I am worried that this is just going to get worse. It needs to change, NOW! I am only 23 years old; I have a long time left on this planet, but I am already too tired. I can't continue to live my life this way, or I will melt into exhaustion.

We need to make a change. We need to educate young women, and men, in regards to the effect that the media and cultural expectations and ideals have on us. We need to support our youth, and tell them that they ARE beautiful, they ARE good enough. They do not need to change who they are to be accepted. However, just saying this to your son/daughter/partner/friend is not good enough: you have to believe in this and accept it yourself.

It begins with us, and, hopefully, in the future,  we will be able to live our own lives and not the lives that others thrust upon us. Hopefully, one day, we can stop taking caffeine pills and wake up all on our own.

Yours in this relentless race to perfection,

Ashley