The Series of Unfortunate Dates

So, in the wake of my last breakup post, I feel like I need to redeem myself with the beginning of a small series I am going to call....

“The Series of Unfortunate Dates” 

(Aka the Curious Cases of Boys Behaving Badly)

These are 100% TRUE stories about some of the WORST dates I have ever been on. Without further adieu, I humbly introduce you to the FIRST of many...

Jay, the Drunk

***please note names have been changed to save these individuals their dignity... although... they didn't seem to care at the time***

I met Jay at a restaurant I worked in Yaletown.

The restaurant, not that popular or busy, provided an atmosphere where I got to get to know my patrons, the Yaletown "regulars."

 Jay was a taller, kind of quirky Brit, who had immigrated to Canada several years previously; a successful film industry worker.

 As a former broadcaster myself, I would always enjoy the tidbits of gossip Jay would fill me in on. He would come in once every few weeks, buy the staff a round or three (because drinking on shift was not only encouraged, but was heavily supported by the now former manager, who would be blind drunk by the end of every shift...) so, he was well received by the staff there.

I was one of the new girls at the restaurant, and a "reliable veteran" of the staff pulled me aside one afternoon to tell me that Jay had a thing for me. She went on to tell me he was one of the nicest guys ever, and although he was a bit plain on the outside, I would be a certifiable jerk if I didn't at least give the guy a shot. And as per my last post.... You know how I feel about being a jerk.

So after a long day of work he asked me if I wanted to get a drink sometime. I figured, why not... I was single and a date couldn't be so bad, even if I wasn't that physically attracted to the guy.

 Boy.... how wrong could I be.

Fast forward a month and Jay comes in to see me and his appearance is a little disheveled.  I brushed his appearance off given his quirky personality and thought maybe he had too much sun while snowboarding that day. (Retrospectively, should have considered a head injury) But, despite the looming future, I got off early and he and I headed off to a little lounge in Yaletown.

When we arrived and sat down I came to the realization, that Jay was not just being strange, he was wasted. I mean, the type of wasted I would equate to four hours past white girl wasted.

For those of you not familiar with the term white girl wasted, the definition is as follows:
To be black out drunk and extremely sloppy, often including acting embarrassing, screaming insults, crying, and not limited to singing songs like “Don’t Stop Believin' by Journey, and possibly table dances.

Well Jay had surpassed this term, by a few hours at least. His demeanor, disheveled and graying, became more hunched over and glassy eyed as the night went on. His elbow resting on the table, while leaning extremely close to the center caused him to continually knock things over with his emphatic hand movements.

 Every word that came out of his mouth was either incoherent, followed by a drool chaser or some sort of derogatory insult.

[Please note these are direct quotes]

 "Now Elemia, (no Jay, its Emelia) oh... yes... Emelia, why would you work in an industry that provided you with little to no.... you know I told you that you would be better........... Why aren't you doing something that is less.....? Interesting?" 

"I... uhhh.... really would like to know more about your...... uhhh....... your..... Smile is the reason why I liked you so much and your head... on your shoulders.... yes."

"I told you... why wouldn't you aim to be something, a little less.................embarrassing?"

I then tried to steer him towards talking about something positive, as his condition was declining rapidly. So I asked about his family, in which he plainly stated while spitting his water across the table, "My family is none of your [expletive] business"

I proceeded to attempt to talk about anything, and everything. But he shut me down with one word answers, or rather simply "I am not going to talk about that."  Including the weather.

By the time the server came to take our order, Jay had obnoxiously detailed that it's only efficient to order two glasses of wine rather than one, to avoid being short changed. So he glared as he spat his order at the poor server. I apologetically ordered a soda water, as well as some food as he appeared to be in dire need of it.

As he stared off into the apparent abyss, I looked over at a table of guys sitting across from us, clearly laughing at my date’s appearance. Never so badly in my life had I wanted to mouth "HELP ME" to a group of complete strangers. But I was determined to try and end this without upset, so I persevered.

When the food arrived I had realized I needed to leave (better late than never), and the sooner the better. His demeanor began to slide (as if it wasn't bad to begin with) and he took a bite of his hummus and toast... held it in his hand.... and then, as if I couldn't be even more shocked... he fell asleep.

 In retrospect, I should have just gotten up and left. But as I was a server at the time and in my right conscience I couldn't leave without knowing he had settled his tab, so I stayed and ordered the bill.
At this point, he was in full REM cycle, elbow propped on the table, hummus and bread in his hands. I knew I had to wake him. I cautiously shook my passed out date and he woke with a start. In his shocked awakening, as if it couldn't get any worse, he proceeded to smear the hummus all over the side of his face and through his hair.

At this point I had to excuse myself and I went into the bathroom and called my mother (read my first blog post to get up to speed). I told her I was on a date with a passed-out-sitting-up-hummus-covered-cranky-when-drunk-guy who spent the evening insulting me or telling me to mind my own business, and she just laughs at me. 'Just leave" she said. 'Quietly, don't wake him up or he might follow you home."

On a side note, a week later I got another Dr. Phil book in the mail from her "The Five Biggest Dating Mistakes You Didn't Even Know You Were Making."

I came out from the bathroom, looked over at this guy who is still sleeping in the lower-lip hanging-gravity-defying-hand-in-mid-air clutching his cracker with some spit and humus congealing at the end of his chin. This was the breaking point (again, better late than never) as I had never seen anything like this in my whole life.
I looked at him, food smeared across his face, a glazed look in his eyes, and I said the only thing I could:

"Jay, I went on a date with you because I thought you were charming and kind. I still think you are kind... although charming maybe not so much. I believe you have a problem with alcohol or other drug abuse.... and I really want to see that you seek the help you need... because I know you're not this person. I am sorry that I am going to do this, but I have to leave because it’s no longer appropriate I sit here while you insult me, and smear food all over your face. I really hope you get the help you need..."

 I gave him a hug, got some hummus in my hair, and left... after I settled the tab

Upon leaving I felt like perhaps someone had punked me... and that Ashton Kutcher was going to jump out laughing about how hilarious my face looked....I was partially outraged, hysterical with laughter, dumbfounded, and a little bummed I was out forty bucks (hummus is expensive in Yaletown) for the dinner.

Never again did I go on a date that someone at that restaurant recommended, the veteran later admitted she didn't want Jay asking her out anymore so she encouraged his interest knowing that he had a substance abuse issue... and if Jay ever reads this... I really hope that you got the help you needed.


Please stay tuned for the second episode in the Series of Unfortunate dates entitled....

Tony... the Table Feeder 

  Until next time,

Emelia xx

Tweets by @EmeliaCoryn

Fitness - the "vacation" from health

Okay, so you like to take vacations every summer, and I mean that in more ways than one. Not only do you like to vacation in your favorite tropical paradise, but you also like to take a vacation from your fitness, housework and eating routine. 

 Everybody likes to take vacations. And in the summertime, vacations can happen in many ways; a pleasant jaunt to the beach, a road trip to Seattle, anywhere by air, and of course the most common, the vacation from the gym. 

 Now don’t get me wrong, we all have done it. We have skipped the gym because we are “tired,” “too-busy,” or “too hot.” And once in a while life does just get too busy to throw time into going to the gym. Over the year, I have come to realize that whether it is 20 minutes or 60 minutes , I have to find time to nourish my body by staying active. 

 With over 8 years of being involved in the fitness industry, I have heard every excuse in the book. Don’t tell me you don’t have time to be active, if you have time to grab a coffee, drive to work, check your Facebook, tweet pictures of your breakfast, then you do have time to be active. Many of my clients approach me in spring with the expected “ I’m going to be going away all of June and part of July “ or “my kids are out of school and I don’t have that free time in the day anymore,” or even “it’s too hot to work out.” I, on the other hand, do not exercise any less while on vacation. I look at exercise like oxygen. My body needs this everyday. When I say everyday I don’t mean I need to go pump iron every day and hop on the elliptical for 30 minutes . What I mean is, If I’m camping then I go for a hike , explore the great outdoors and witness all of nature’s beauty while getting my body moving. If I’m off in a tropical paradise, then I go running on the beach every morning ( running in the sand is surprisingly tough ).

For those trips we all take to our local patios. Before going, look up the menu. This is an easy way to eliminate those temptations before you get the restaurant. Sharing is caring so share appies! All too often I see Facebook posts or twitter posts of people going out for appies and drinks with filtered pictures of their artsy food or beverages. But there are no pictures of the fun, healthy choices they made that day. I must say I do enjoy a great meal prepped for me from a local fine dining restaurant but I do often do my homework before I go out . Call me crazy, but I look up the menu and calories/fat etc. Why ? Because alot of restaurants want repeat customers, so they want the food to taste extra yummy. As a fitness professional I have discovered that extra yummy means extra sugar, fat, or salt. If you still want to go out with your friends, here are a couple tips that I do when I am patio hopping:

 1) I stick to the basics. If I want a sautéed veggie side then I get the chicken breast lightly basted and grilled (without skin ) and vice versa, if I get steamed veggies, then I get the regular seasoning on my chicken breast . Always a huge green salad . 

2) Sauce on the Side - is your best friend. If you order all sauce on the side, you get to enjoy all the goodness of the taste. Try dipping your fork into the sauce before you pick up that piece of chicken, that way you know how much sauce you’re eating. If I want dressing I get it on the side and dip my fork in it before a bite of salad . I compromise - simple 

3) For the busy moms ,I know how hard it is to balance taking care of everyone, then trying to take care of yourself. I remember the days when my mom was raising us children during summer months. My mother would be attending to my needs ( i.e. prepping my nutritious breakfast, clothes for the day) and then running back to the living room for 1-2 mins at a time to do her step aerobics on her tacky bright pink and turquoise step bench guided by a a woman wearing matching coloured headband and tights under a bathing-suit type outfit then, back to my little brother who woke up crying in his crib , Fifteen minutes later she would turn the volume down and continue, only for me to spill my milk on the carpet. My point? In my opinion , everyone can put some sort of focus on their fitness and proper nutrition , whatever the scenario or time of year . 

We live in a world where there are many choices for exercise and food. Make some. Do your homework ... Always have a game plan 

Yours in health,

Nabina Shah 

elite personal trainer & owner of Revive Hair & Body Lounge Ltd. (personal training/ group fitness classes, spa, hair and esthetics studio) Port Moody BC For more information please check out the Revive Hair & Body Lounge on Facebook 

Indoor Tanning: Tips & Tricks

I have spent the last three years working at a local tanning studio; I know there is a lot of controversy over indoor tanning, but I am not going to discuss it in this post. This post is for all of you who are finishing up summer vacation and are looking to maintain that gorgeous summer colour and considering indoor tanning as a way to do so. 

Some basics for tanning...

If you do not already have a tan and are looking to get one from scratch, it takes the average person 7-10 indoor sessions to develop a base - and this is only if you have these sessions spaced at no more than 3 days apart. This is the "building" part of the tan: the melanin (brown pigmentation) needs to accumulate during this phase, and if you do not go often enough it will just fade away. This stage requires you to tan at least three (3) times a week for two to three (2-3) weeks. I have had dozens upon dozens of people come in and say things along the lines of: "I am going on vacation this Friday and I need to be tan so I don't burn down in Mexico." I then usually ask questions such as "How well do you normally tan? If you are outside for half an hour on your own, without SPF, will you burn?" If the answer is yes, this person is usually out of luck. Tanning for only one week prior to your trip will generally not do anything for you unless you are absolutely loaded up with accelerators (see lotion section) and you usually tan very quickly outside. For most people, this is not the case and tanning, at this point, is literally a waste of your time and money. 

When just starting out, I usually recommend to my clients to start at no higher than the half of the maximum time of a bed, so, in our express (12 minute) bed, I would recommend starting with six minutes - usually four or five if the client is very fair. Do two (2) sessions at your decided starting time just to make sure that your skin was okay with the lighting. If you see any pink or redness, try a minute or two lower the next time you come in. After your first couple sessions, bump it up 1 or 2 minutes depending on how your skin reacts. The receptionist should be able to help you decide on what time will work for you. Most people, at my salon, achieve their base at about 10-12 minutes (in the 12 minute bed) and maintain the tan by coming once or twice a week. 

Getting the most for your money...

Start off using high intensity beds. Most people have this misconception that they have  to start with a basic regular bed. This is not true. You can start tanning in any bed as long as you start with a low exposure time (as mentioned above). High intensity beds, although more expensive, will develop your tan faster by using higher UVB bulbs, which stimulate melanin faster than using a normal bed. So, this means you could possibly see a good base tan within 5-8 sessions. Although these beds are generally more expensive, it's worth it because you will get better colour, faster. 

Ask your tanning studio if they have any early bird specials or cheap days. A lot of salons will have reduced prices for drop-ins before noon: this is a really great, and economical, for those of you who have the colour they want to maintain.

ALWAYS use a lotion. Most people are turned off of purchasing a lotion because they think that receptionists only try to them to make money. Although the receptionist probably does make some commission, it is likely only 5-10%, so it's not like your lotion sale is going to make or break her day. Lotions actually are the best way to get a darker, quicker tan (other than using a high intensity bed). 

Reasons why you  should use a lotion:

1. They all contain moisturizers. Keeping your skin hydrated while tanning is extremely important as it will help keep your skin from drying out and getting that wrinkly leathery look. 

2. Some of them contain bronzers. Bronzers, such as DHA, actually dye the surface of your skin upon application which gives the user an "immediate tan". The only problem I have with these bronzers (cosmetic bronzers) is that some of them, especially n the cheaper brands such as Australian Gold, are not good quality which means they can tend to give off an orange tint - which is not what you want!

3. Some contain accelerators. There are tons of different "accelerators" out there. My personal favorite is Tyrosine. Tyrosine actually causes your melanin cells to produce faster which means you don't need to spend as much time in the tanning bed. And, because this is an amino acid - not a cosmetic bronzer - the colour that develops will be the natural brown look that your skin would normally produce if you had tanned outdoors. The cheapest lotion I have ever used that is full of Tyrosine is Couture Sport for Women - I have never gotten more brown than with this stuff, and it smells like a sporty perfume (this is a great alternative to smelling like burning flesh and sweat).

4. Some contain silicone. My favourite lotion (Luminary by Designer Skin) is packed with silicone, bronzers, and accelerators. The best thing about it, though, is the silicone which leaves your skin feeling like silk.My boyfriend always knows when I use this lotion because of how soft and smooth it leaves my skin feeling. Silicone also tends to be quite slippery, so the lotion spreads a lot more, which means you get more use out of a bottle. Please note that some people have sensitivities to silicone and the product should be tested on small areas first.

Other tips for indoor tanning...

Always book an appointment if you have a time frame you need to stick with, especially during peak operation hours (usually opening time, 3-6pm, and closing time). The receptionist has no control over walk-in traffic.

 Always apply your lotion within 15 minutes prior to your tanning session. This prevents any accelerators from deactivating due to oxidization. 

Use tinted moisturizers between maintenance tans to help keep your skin dark and healthy. My favourite is Tinted Love by Designer Skin: it is relatively cheap and lasts for months! And I always get compliments on the colour of my legs (where I use it most).

Be kind to your receptionist - she controls the appointments and can also give you little hints as to when new deals or promotions will be coming along. Plus, remember that these girls usually make minimum wage and very minimal commission (it's usually only given if they make a high number of sales during the day, which pretty much leaves no hope, especially during the summer months!). 

On the note of sales - if you do decide to purchase products or services from a salon (or any retail outlet for that matter) purchase from the actual staff, not the managers or owners, as this means at least 5-10% of your sale will go directly to the girls who need it most. Buying directly from the owner means the boss will make all of the profit of the 200% mark up with nothing going to the girls you see every day doing all of the grunt work.

With all of this knowledge, you will be sure to impress your tanning salon experts! If you have any questions regarding indoor tanning, lotions, or products please feel free to leave it as a comment on this post and I will reply to it!

Happy Tanning,

Ashley

The Breakup Basics

Here I am... 23 in the middle of breaking up with someone I have been in a relationship with for just under two years. I feel awful... not because I cheated or did something to deserve this guilt, but because the person I am breaking up with is still in love with me.

What I have discovered through this experience (other than my fear of being a spinster may be a reality because I don't EVER intend to break up with someone again) is that the end of a relationship can bring out the best and the worst in a person. 

Heartache is not funny, so I won't try and make this humorous... If it gets boring just picture everyone in their underwear.... that's what my mum taught me. Or you can keep glancing at this badass dog while you read this. That may help.

When does that point occur in a relationship, where one person gives up, and the other keeps trudging on?  I have been in this place for the past few months where, to me, I knew (in my heart of hearts) it was over, yet to him, he thought we were finally getting somewhere. And that's why I feel guilty... I feel like I drew it out, I thought I could make myself feel something that just disappeared, and for too long I was scared to man up (or WOMAN up) and face the fear of breaking someone's heart... only to shatter it in the long run.

Breakups are never easy... regardless of if you are on the receiving or the breaking end. It’s never a position that provides you with that “comfortable” feeling. Whether you are heartbroken and healing... or trying to find the words to tell that person in your life that its time to move on, here are some things I have learned through this recent experience that can save you, and your former flame, any unnecessary heart ache.

1)  Be honest. 

Don’t wait until you have a fight about nothing and throw “we’re over” out there. It won’t stick, and they won’t believe you if you try to stick with it. It comes in the form of "they were angry and out of line... so they probably didn’t mean it." Come to them in a calm moment when they are not stressed or too busy to listen, and tell them how you feel.

2) Be direct.

 Don’t come up with a laundry list of reasons about how you hate the way they text at dinner, or can’t stand their messy apartment. These aren’t deal breakers, these are not relevant. Stay true to your feelings; i.e. why you aren't happy anymore, why you want to move on, and how you feel like there is no avenue for reconciliation.

3) LISTEN.

 Although you are done in this relationship, and you want out, it does not give you the god given right to ignore the emotions the other person is going through: hear what they have to say, and do the best you can to make amends for the fact you weren’t the perfect partner either.

4) Don’t flatter.

 No one wants to hear from the person dumping them that they’re going to find someone great one day. Underneath the rejection they are going to be feeling anger.... and they will come to that conclusion  eventually themselves. It just makes you sound inauthentic.

5) You’re not going to be friends, so don’t offer.

 Now there are exceptions for every rule here, but I feel pretty passionate about this one. When you're breaking up with someone you need space, at least for a few months (I prefer years) before you can come back to a platonic based friendship. You need to respect that that person (who may or may not want the breakup) needs to heal and move on. And seeing you every week for lunch, may just be too much like a relationship without the benefits of getting laid. So air on the side of  caution...  and leave them alone.


6) Close the door. 

This one is one I have the hardest time with... because like you, I am human as well. If you don't want to be with that person anymore, don't leave hope of a chance that they may be able to come back into your life. Because if they aren't agreeable in the breakup process they may take this as a "win me back" situation. And if you're not into that... just don't do it . It just creates a revolving door relationship that isn't pleasurable for anybody. So if it's over, its over. Say you're sorry for hurting them (even if your not) and send them light and love and move on.

and lastly,

7) Rebounds.... are never what you think they are.

Take some time off dating and courting: if you move on right away you're not doing anybody any favors. You're not learning anything from the time you spent with that person, and are most certainly not showing them any respect what-so-ever. If you're hurt, or they are, the last thing you want to do is see your ex out and playing tonsil hockey with that tramp at the bar. Take the downtime to reassess your life. Trust me... rebounding only makes you a jerk... and no one likes jerks.





To the person that is no longer in my world... Thank you for coming into my life, teaching me new things about myself, for the laughter and good times, and most of all, thank you for loving me...

Life is too short, and too precious to be insensitive and inconsiderate to your fellow humans. 

At some point of your life, you will become aware that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life.

Until next time....

Newly single and on the mend...

Emelia xx